True Influence is Trust Earned
Who would you say have been the most influential people in your life?
When I reflect on this question, specific individuals immediately come to mind - those who shaped my path and left a positive imprint on my life. Their influence wasn’t always loud or obvious; sometimes, it was through quiet encouragement, timely advice, or the consistent demonstration of values I aspired to emulate.
For most of us, these influential figures are the ones who guide, inspire, and empower us to grow into better versions of ourselves. However, I’ve also learned some of my most valuable lessons from individuals who negatively influenced me. The effects, though challenging, taught me resilience, clarified my values, and reminded me of the importance of choosing the right kind of influence in my life.
I believe we are all shaped - whether subtly or profoundly - by those we encounter. In childhood, our parents, siblings, and extended family hold the greatest sway. As we grow, teachers, coaches, mentors, and friends step into that role, helping to shape our character and guiding our decisions.
When we enter the professional world, our bosses, coworkers, industry leaders, and even casual acquaintances influence our perspective and growth. Yet, not all influence is equal. Authority may give someone the power to direct your actions, but the kind of influence that truly endures - the kind that transforms lives - is not imposed. It is earned.
The Limits of Authority
It’s easy to conflate authority with influence. After all, those in leadership roles - whether a boss, parent, teacher, or coach - often have the power to dictate actions and decisions. Compliance, however, is not the same as true influence.
That said, it’s important to acknowledge that authority has its role. In contexts such as the military, law enforcement, firefighting, or other high-stakes situations, authority often provides the clarity and decisiveness required for swift and effective action. However, even in these cases, the most effective leaders complement their authority with trust, ensuring their decisions inspire confidence and loyalty rather than mere compliance.
Think about the times you followed a directive simply because you had to. Were you motivated? Inspired? Or were you simply doing what was necessary to avoid conflict or consequences?
Now, compare that to moments when someone truly influenced you - when their words or actions sparked a shift in your perspective, motivated you to achieve more, or left you feeling valued and understood.
As Simon Sinek stated, “There are leaders, and there are those who lead. Leaders hold a position of power or authority, but those who lead inspire us.” Inspiration cannot be mandated; it must be cultivated through trust, connection, and authenticity.
The Pillars of Trust-Based Influence
So, what sets apart those who earn lasting influence from those who merely command compliance? I believe the answer lies in the following four key principles -
1. Deep Listening
Deep listening builds trust by creating meaningful connections and showing sincere respect. The most influential people truly hear what others are saying - not just their words but their emotions and unspoken concerns.
As Stephen R. Covey put it, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” To build influence, we must reverse this tendency. When someone feels genuinely heard, they are more likely to open up, share their perspectives, and trust you.
2. Understanding Others' Needs and Perspectives
Influence is not about imposing your vision or goals on others. It is about uniting around a shared vision and goals, ensuring your actions and words align with the needs, concerns, and aspirations of those you seek to influence. This requires empathy - the ability to step into someone else's shoes and view the world from their perspective.
Empathy enables us to connect on a deeper level, breaking down barriers and fostering a shared purpose. Whether it’s a team member at work, a friend in crisis, or a mentee seeking guidance, taking the time to understand their needs and perspectives makes you a source of true influence.
3. Prioritizing Others’ Best Interests
When you consistently prioritize others’ well-being, you earn their trust and loyalty. This doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs or values but striving for mutual benefit and shared success.
However, prioritizing others’ interests alone isn’t enough. True influence requires pairing concern for others with delivering meaningful outcomes. Trust is reinforced when people see that your empathy translates into tangible results - whether it’s solving problems, achieving goals, or fulfilling promises. A balance of relational trust and competence is key to sustaining influence.
The Bible offers profound wisdom on this principle - “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV). Humility and selflessness lie at the heart of meaningful influence, inspiring trust and leaving a lasting impact.
4. Acting with Integrity
Trust is fragile - it takes time to build and only moments to shatter. Acting with integrity is the cornerstone of maintaining the trust you’ve earned. Integrity means aligning your actions with your words, staying true to your values, and being honest even when it’s difficult.
The legendary basketball coach John Wooden captured this perfectly - “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” Integrity breeds credibility, and credibility is the bedrock of influence.
Trust-Based Influence in Action
Consider these scenarios where trust-based influence creates an impact:
- In Leadership: A leader who listens to their team, understands their challenges, and advocates for their needs earns respect and dedication. Conversely, a leader who enforces rules without considering others’ perspectives may achieve short-term results but often fails to inspire meaningful progress.
- In Personal Relationships: A friend who intensively listens, offers support without judgment and acts consistently with your best interests at heart becomes a source of lasting influence. On the other hand, a friend who is self-serving or dismissive may hold some sway in the moment, but their influence is fleeting.
- In Mentorship: A mentor who sees their mentee’s potential, helps them navigate challenges and guides them with integrity creates a lasting relationship and a foundation for success. Conversely, a mentor who neglects their mentee’s needs or imposes their own agenda can hinder growth and damage trust.
The Enduring Impact of True Influence
Trust-based influence builds a culture of respect, connection, and growth. When people trust you, they are more likely to share their true selves, offer their best efforts, and collaborate willingly. This enhances your ability to inspire, guide, and achieve shared goals.
Moreover, this kind of influence builds strong, resilient relationships. In times of crisis or uncertainty, people look to those they trust for guidance and reassurance. The bonds formed through listening, understanding, prioritizing others, and acting with integrity become invaluable
Final Thoughts
True influence is not just about what we achieve or how we are remembered - it’s about the lives we shape and the environments we cultivate through our actions. While trust and integrity are the bedrock of lasting influence, they also require a willingness to challenge conventional ideas about leadership and connection.
Ask yourself:
- Do you see influence as a privilege or as a responsibility?
- Are you cultivating relationships that inspire mutual growth, or are you focused on outcomes that serve only immediate goals?
- What legacy are you building - not just in what you do, but in how you make others feel and think?
As Simon Sinek wisely said, “Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge.” Influence is not about dominance or authority; it’s about service, empowerment, and transformation.
The challenge is not merely to build trust but to inspire transformation - within yourself and others. True influence is about creating a legacy of growth, courage, progress and purpose that continues long after you’ve left the conversation, the relationship, or the role.