Pain Points with a Purpose

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of pain?

For me, three distinct experiences stand out -

  • The extreme physical pain of kidney stones - I’ve been told it’s the closest a man can get to the pain of childbirth.
  • The challenging psychological pain of my twenties - confusion about who I was, why I was here, what I believed, and how this thing called “life” was supposed to work.
  • The sudden, intense emotional pain of my only marriage ending in divorce - something I never saw coming and never thought possible.

Each form of pain - physical, psychological, or emotional - demands our attention. As C. S. Lewis observed in The Problem of Pain -

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

Pain refuses to be ignored. Whether a sharp, physical agony or a quiet, lingering heartache, it disrupts our routines and forces us to confront something deeper. Yet, we live in a world that often encourages us to suppress or distract ourselves from discomfort. We downplay emotional struggles, conceal psychological distress, and chase quick fixes, believing that pain is something to be avoided or medicated rather than examined.

As Lewis also noted -

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken.’”

Unlike physical wounds, which are visible and treated with urgency, mental and emotional pain often go unaddressed. We may carry grief we haven’t processed, remain in relationships or jobs that drain us, or battle inner doubts that quietly shape our choices. Left unchecked, pain festers, creating frustration, discontent, or numbness.

However, if we choose to listen, pain becomes a powerful teacher. It reveals what is misaligned, what must change, and where growth is needed. Rather than resisting it, we can use it as a guide - one that directs us toward healing, purpose, and a life of greater clarity, alignment and fulfillment.

Pain as a Signal for Change

Pain, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, is like a dashboard warning light - a signal that serves a purpose.

➢ Pain “points” us toward something important - it directs our attention to areas that require examination.
➢ “Pain points” (the struggles or challenges we face) hold a purpose - they signal that something is missing, misaligned, or needs adjustment, healing or growth.

It can be a roadblock that keeps us stuck or a guidepost that directs us toward necessary change. The difference lies in how we respond to it. Recognizing and naming our pain points is the first step toward transformation.

Here are some key areas where pain often serves as a signal -

1. Dissatisfaction with Work or Career

  • Do you feel unfulfilled despite professional success?
  • Are you forcing yourself to stay in a role that drains you?
  • Does your workplace culture reflect your values, and do your roles and profession align with your strengths and talents?

If your career is a source of ongoing frustration, it may be time to reassess your path, seek new challenges, rediscover your sense of purpose or redefine what success means to you.

2. Struggles in Relationships

  • Do certain relationships leave you feeling depleted rather than supported?
  • Do you feel disconnected from the people who matter most, perhaps due to unresolved hurt, a lack of acceptance, or difficulty with forgiveness?
  • Are you holding onto unhealthy relationships or patterns out of fear, guilt, or obligation?

Relational pain often highlights where stronger boundaries, honest conversations, greater acceptance or emotional healing are needed.

3. Lack of Personal Growth

  • Do you feel stuck in a cycle of sameness?
  • Are you avoiding challenges out of fear of failure?
  • Do you yearn for deeper meaning but don’t know where to find it?

Stagnation or ambivalence often indicates that we aren’t pushing ourselves to learn, have new experiences, or evolve personally.

4. Uncertainty or Disconnection from Purpose

  • Do you feel like you’re going through the motions without meaning?
  • Have you lost sight of what excites and energizes you, or have you failed to identify what truly drives you?
  • Do you find yourself questioning the point of your daily efforts?

Purpose isn’t something we passively stumble upon - it’s something we intentionally seek, shape and cultivate. Pain in this area nudges us to explore or reconnect with our core values, reassess our priorities, and pursue what authentically fulfills us.

5. Dissonance in our Beliefs and Values

  • Do you feel conflicted between what you believe and how you live?
  • Are you struggling with doubts, unanswered questions, or shifts in your worldview or spiritual life?
  • Do you sense a disconnect between your values and the choices you make?

Deep internal tension forms when our beliefs and values are out of sync with our thoughts and actions. This pain signals a need for reflection, realignment, or a clearer understanding of what we truly believe and value.

Transforming Pain into Progress

Pain isn’t pleasant, but it can be productive. The key is awareness –

➢ Self-awareness helps us recognize how pain influences our thoughts, behaviors, and choices.
➢ External awareness reveals how our circumstances and environment contribute to our struggles.

How we interpret and respond to pain determines whether it becomes a stumbling block or a stepping stone. Here are some thoughts on how to shift pain from an obstacle to a catalyst for change -

1. Acknowledge It
Don’t suppress discomfort - recognize it as valuable information. Awareness begins with accepting what we feel rather than avoiding it.

2. Seek the Root Cause
Ask yourself, What is this pain telling me? Then ask, What’s beneath it? Self-awareness helps uncover deeper issues, while external awareness reveals patterns and triggers.

3. Challenge Thought Patterns and Beliefs
Pain often stems from ingrained thought processes, not just individual beliefs. Identifying negative cycles - self-doubt, fear-based thinking, or distorted perspectives - can open new possibilities for growth. Seeking outside wisdom or coaching helps us gain a broader perspective.

4. Take Intentional Action
Once you’ve pinpointed what needs to change, take small, meaningful steps in that direction. Purposeful change rarely happens all at once - it’s a series of intentional decisions and actions.

5. Embrace a Growth Mindset
Instead of asking, Why me? – ask, What can I learn? Awareness - of ourselves and the bigger picture - helps us reframe pain as a tool for growth.

Pain can either keep us stuck or propel us forward. The difference lies in our awareness and response.

Final Thoughts

Pain without reflection is mere suffering; pain approached with curiosity and purpose can become a catalyst for transformation. As C. S. Lewis observed, pain is “God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world” when nothing else will. Whether emotional or psychological, pain shouts for our attention - often holding the key to our next breakthrough - if we’re willing to listen.

Many of life’s most pivotal lessons emerge not from our easiest moments, but from our hardest ones. Every pain point - whether tied to career, relationships, personal growth, purpose, or beliefs and values - brings with it the potential for deeper self-awareness and meaningful change.

The question is: Will you fight it, wallow in it, or learn from it?

The choice is yours.