Our Habits Can Work For or Against Us

Do you intentionally choose your habits, or do they quietly choose you by default?

At first glance, this may seem like a strange question because habits don't actively choose us. However, it can feel that way when we unconsciously allow certain habits to develop and take control of our lives.

Some people may deflect responsibility by attributing their habits to their inborn traits and maybe say, "It's just the way I am."

But habits are not something we are born with. According to Encyclopedia Britannica, a habit is defined in psychology as "any regularly repeated behavior that requires little to no thought and is learned rather than innate."

The American Psychological Association defines a habit as "a well-learned behavior or automatic response that is relatively resistant to change and is often performed without conscious awareness."

Similarly, Oxford Languages defines a habit as "a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up."

Now, here is an important question: Is it easier to "give up" a good or a bad habit?

We all know the answer to that question. As the old adage goes, "Bad habits are like a comfortable bed - easy to get into, but hard to get out of."

In contrast, good habits - those that work in our favor - tend to be more challenging to establish. They require deliberate thought, effort, and consistency.

This is why a multi-billion-dollar industry revolves around self-help books and programs to help us build better habits.

Here is my main point –

When we don't intentionally choose and design habits that work for us, we risk being unintentionally controlled by habits that work against us.

So, would you say your habits work for you or against you?

How Our Habits Are Formed

In his book “The Power of Habit,” Charles Duhigg's research shows that the brain creates habits to conserve energy and avoid decision fatigue. While this can be helpful, it also explains why we might default to habits that don't serve us.

Duhigg also explains how habits form through what he calls "the habit loop: cue, routine, and reward.” Understanding this cycle allows us to consciously reshape our habits.

An example might be -

• Cue - Receiving an email with a new project request that might trigger a feeling of urgency or pressure to respond immediately.
• Routine - In response to the cue, action is taken in the form of a routine. In this case, it could be the habit of immediately jumping into the project without a clear plan, which may result in scattered focus or ineffective use of our time.
• Reward - The reward might be a temporary sense of productivity or relief from responding quickly. However, this can reinforce impulsive habits, resulting in mere activity that lacks meaningful accomplishment.

Alternatively -

• Cue - A cue could be your daily start time when you sit down at your desk to begin work. This signals the brain to start your day.
• Routine - Your routine might involve checking your calendar while consciously scheduling your top priorities - a more proactive and intentional response to the cue.
• Reward - Starting the day with focus and direction can provide a sense of accomplishment and clarity. Over time, this habit increases productivity and helps you consistently meet your most important goals.

According to Duhigg, recognizing this loop and intentionally adjusting the routine is key to taking control of your habits. By becoming aware of the cues that trigger your routines and the rewards that reinforce them, you can intentionally redesign routines within your habits to support your goals.

Intentional Choice and Design of Our Habits

Building habits that serve us starts with conscious choice. As James Clear points out in his book, "Atomic Habits," "You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems." This quote suggests that success is less about lofty aspirations and more about a practical, intentional design of your habits.

Clear emphasizes that small, consistent habits can lead to remarkable transformations over time. By taking deliberate steps - like exercising for just five minutes or reviewing your daily goals - you create a system that works in your favor and can be continuously built upon.

Clear also stresses the importance of identity-based habits. He argues that shifting your identity is the key to lasting habit change.

Instead of saying, "I want to be more productive at work," say, "I'm the kind of person who prioritizes efficiency." When you see yourself as someone who values efficiency, daily habits like organizing your tasks and setting clear goals aroundyour priorities naturally follow.

Or, instead of saying, "I want to be a better leader," say, "I'm someone who empowers my team." By identifying yourself as a leader who empowers others, habits such as actively listening to your team, giving constructive feedback, and providing growth opportunities become part of your daily routine.

This shift creates intrinsic motivation, as James Clear explains - "The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity. It's one thing to say I'm the type of person who wants this. It's something very different to say I'm the type of person who is this."

Similarly, in his book "The Compound Effect," Darren Hardy emphasizes that lasting success comes not from occasional big decisions but from the compound effect of small, intentional actions consistently executed over time.

Hardy summarizes this concept with a formula – "Small, Smart Choices + Consistency + Time = Radical Difference."

His formula suggests that even the smallest intentional choices can lead to profound changes when applied consistently. Hardy also encourages readers to reflect on whether their daily habits are aligned with their long-term goals, urging them to take a proactive approach to habit formation.

Effective Habits Built on Principles

Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" takes a broader approach by emphasizing personal leadership and character development principles. Covey's seven habits, like "Be Proactive" and "Begin with the End in Mind," emphasize the importance of intentional living. He focuses less on micro-level habits and more on creating a framework that aligns habits with values and long-term vision.

Covey highlights the maxim, "Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny." This underscores the power of habits to shape not just your daily life but, ultimately, your character and future. It challenges us to think deeply about whether our habits align with the person we want to become.

So, are your daily routines helping you live out your core values?

If not, it may be time to reassess and intentionally choose habits that align with the life you want to create and the values you want to uphold. As Covey says, "Our character is a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily express our character."

Final Thoughts

My key takeaway from these authors is that good habits aren't formed by chance; they're deliberately created. Since our habits develop over time - either by intentional design or by default - if we don't shape them purposefully, they may control us in ways that undermine our goals and priorities.

So, if you're struggling to change your habits, consider the resources discussed in this article. They offer valuable insights for building habits that align with success.

Additionally, coaching can provide the guidance and accountability needed for lasting change.

If your habits are hindering your progress, it's time to take control. Act with intention, and you'll find that success is built one good habit at a time.