Lead With Curiosity, Not Judgment

Tracy Nowell Coaching | Lead With Curiosity, Not Judgment

One important lesson I found confusing when I was young, but came to understand and accept, is that life unfolds as a series of contrasts - such as good and evil, love and hate, harmony and discord, connection and division. Many of these contrasts are not true opposites but are like two sides of the same coin, closely linked in their roles. While one side is generally seen as constructive and the other destructive, they define each other while remaining distinct.

In an increasingly polarized world, the choice between judgment and curiosity presents a similar contrast that often determines whether we build bridges or deepen divides. As I thought about the characteristics of judgmental people, I asked myself, "What's on the other side of the coin?" The easy answer was non- judgmental - an attitude or behavior that refrains from making critical or moral judgments about others.

But then I realized that being non-judgmental isn't simply withholding judgment; it's about replacing it with something more active and transformative - curiosity.

Why?

Because curiosity prompts us to seek understanding, ask questions, and explore perspectives without rushing to conclusions. It shifts our focus from what's wrong with others to what's driving their behavior, helping us connect rather than divide. And I believe that leading with curiosity instead of judgment can transform relationships, build trust, and deepen understanding in our personal and professional lives.

How Curiosity and Judgment Are Related

Curiosity and judgment may seem like opposites, but they are deeply interconnected. Curiosity seeks to explore, while judgment aims to evaluate. When used together effectively, curiosity informs judgment, allowing it to be fair and constructive. However, when judgment becomes impulsive or overly critical, it can suppress curiosity and lead to division.

From my point of view, judgment falls into three categories - the good, the bad, and the judgmental.

Good Judgment

Good judgment is informed, constructive, and fair. It involves gathering relevant information, considering context, and balancing emotional and logical reasoning. It works hand-in-hand with curiosity to evaluate situations thoroughly before forming conclusions.

  • Example: A leader notices that a team member seems disengaged. Instead of assuming laziness or lack of commitment, they ask thoughtful questions such as, "What challenges are you facing right now?" By listening to the team member's perspective, the leader builds trust and gains understanding, creating a pathway for change, growth and collaboration.

Good judgment helps us balance accountability with empathy, enabling thoughtful decisions and stronger relationships.

Bad Judgment

Bad judgment, by contrast, is reactive, uninformed, and often driven by assumptions or biases. It lacks the foundation of curiosity, leading to conclusions that can harm trust and connection.

  • Example: A manager labels an employee as unmotivated because of missed deadlines without exploring the underlying reasons. This reactive judgment creates resentment and alienation, shutting down opportunities for problem-solving or improvement.

When judgment is rushed or shallow, it erects barriers rather than forging connections, undermining engagement and trust.

The Judgmental Mindset

Being judgmental goes beyond making decisions - it reflects a critical mindset that assumes superiority and focuses on finding fault. Judgmental behavior dismisses curiosity entirely, shutting down dialogue and creating defensiveness.

  • Example: Criticizing a friend's choices without considering their circumstances or reasons weakens trust and creates distance. Such judgmental behavior often stems from needing to control or dominate, making others feel unheard and devalued.

The judgmental mindset is the opposite of curiosity. Where curiosity asks, "What might be causing this?" judgmental thinking assumes, "I already know the answer."

The Danger of Rushing to Judgment

The Bible provides timeless wisdom about judgment. Matthew 7:1-2 (NIV) states, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." This teaching warns against harsh or hypocritical judgment. We often lack the complete picture when we rush to conclusions about others. Snap judgments can harm relationships and create defensiveness. Such judgment frequently invites others to respond in kind, reflecting the very criticism or harshness projected towards them.

Proverbs 18:2 (NLT) further cautions, "Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions." Judgment taking precedence over understanding reveals a lack of curiosity - a failure to ask questions or seek context. This behavior often stems from insecurity, rigid thinking, or self- absorption, leading to harmful and counterproductive outcomes.

The Benefits of Leading with Curiosity

Curiosity, by contrast, nurtures connection and growth. It shifts the focus from critique to understanding, from assumptions to inquiry. Here's how curiosity can positively impact relationships and leadership -

➢ Curiosity Builds Trust
We signal respect and openness when we ask open-ended questions and genuinely listen. This creates a foundation of trust in both personal and professional interactions.

  • Instead of saying, "Why are you always late?" try asking, "Please help me understand what's making it difficult for you to arrive on time."

This subtle shift changes the dynamic from blame to concern.

➢ Curiosity Encourages Collaboration
In leadership, curiosity creates space for diverse perspectives and innovative solutions. Teams thrive in environments where leaders seek input and avoid snap judgments.

  • Asking, "What problem are we trying to solve with this idea?" instead of dismissing it outright encourages creativity and a supportive environment.

➢ Curiosity Deepens Understanding
Curiosity enables a deeper level of understanding. It allows us to move past surface-level assumptions and uncover the underlying factors influencing behavior, decisions, and perspectives.

  • By asking, "What's behind this behavior?" we uncover layers of context that surface-level judgment misses. This understanding allows us to respond with empathy rather than criticism.

When we lead with curiosity in our personal interactions, problem-solving and decision-making before employing judgment, we gain deeper insights, build stronger relationships, and make more informed choices.

Practical Applications for Leaders and Individuals

Adopting a curious mindset takes practice and intention. Here are some ways to cultivate it.

  • Ask Open-Ended Questions: Replace "Why didn't you meet this deadline?" with "Can you walk me through what happened?" Open-ended questions invite dialogue while increasing understanding.
  • Avoid Using "Why": Replace "why" questions, which can feel accusatory, with more neutral phrasing like "What happened?" or "Can you help me understand?" to encourage open dialogue without defensiveness.
  • Replace Assumptions with Observations: Instead of assuming someone is disengaged, observe their behavior and seek their perspective.
  • Practice Active Listening: Listen with the intent to understand, not to respond. This means setting aside distractions and focusing fully on the speaker.
  • Be Vulnerable: Leaders who admit their uncertainties model openness and create space for others to do the same.

Additionally, curiosity doesn't negate accountability; it enhances it. Holding people to high standards is entirely compatible with being non-judgmental. For example, instead of saying, "You failed to meet expectations - again," a curious leader might say, "I noticed this didn't meet expectations. Let's discuss what happened and how I can support you moving forward." This approach maintains accountability while encouraging teamwork and development.

Final Thoughts

Curiosity and judgment, like two sides of the same coin, are interconnected. Curiosity opens the door to understanding, and sound judgment helps us walk through it. However, curiosity must be genuine and balanced with judgment to avoid becoming intrusive, aimless or indecisive. When combined thoughtfully, they allow us to navigate life's complexities with clarity and compassion, leading to transformative change that reshapes relationships, enhances leadership, and promotes growth.

As the Bible teaches, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Instead of rushing to judgment, lead with curiosity - ask questions, seek understanding, and look beyond surface-level behavior. By resisting the impulse to criticize and choosing to understand, we create spaces where trust and collaboration thrive.

Ultimately, this choice shapes not only how we treat each other but also the person we aspire to be. By leading with curiosity, we unlock the potential for connection and growth, not just in those around us but in ourselves.