Facing Change Head-On: It's A Choice You Must Make
It seems inevitable – just when we finally get comfortable with something or someone or feel life is going great - things change.
We love changes that benefit us as long as we do not have to change. Conversely, we hate change that disrupts our lives, pushes us out of our comfort zones, or confronts us with cold, hard realities that we must face.
And somewhere in between lies naturally occurring change or change we choose. However, as we move forward with positive expectations, we are sometimes met with unexpected difficulties.
Examples in our work life include –
- Leadership Changes - Reorganizations, acquisitions, or growth can lead to shifts in leadership. Some yearn for former leaders, while others welcome new directions.
- Policy Changes - For example, the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted routines, prompting a shift to remote work, now followed by a return to the office.
- Industry Changes - An ongoing example is the National Association of Realtors' agreement to alter its policies to settle class-action lawsuits while members deal with misleading and sometimes false information provided to the public.
- Career Changes - Whether by choice or circumstance, career shifts are sometimes inevitable, driven by opportunities or external forces.
Examples in our personal life include:
- Life transitions - From childhood to adulthood, through marriage, raising children, mid-life, and into retirement or post-career pursuits.
- Traumatic events - The loss of a loved one, divorce, or significant health issues that upend our lives and the lives of those closest to us.
- Financial challenges - Hardships due to job loss, inadequate financial planning, or the unexpected costs of traumatic events.
- Changing priorities - For example, parents sacrificing their personal desires or aspirations in favor of their children's needs.
- Aging - Our bodies inevitably change despite efforts to delay natural aging.
Two Opposing Approaches to Change
As I considered this subject and how best to contrast opposing approaches to change, I remembered a well-known prayer authored by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, which is widely used in support and recovery groups.
"The Serenity Prayer."
"Dear God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
- Accepting the Inevitable
Instead of struggling against or rejecting the unchangeable circumstances or truths we face, we must acknowledge the aspects of life that are beyond our control. Acceptance of the inevitable requires humility, as opposed to pride, arrogance, and ignorance, which fuel a mentality of "the world revolves around us." - Courage to Change
For those aspects of our lives within our sphere of influence or control, courage can empower us to take action and shape our reality. However, this courage is not about reckless abandon but a thoughtful, intentional approach to transformation when embracing the process of change. - Wisdom to Know the Difference
"Knowing the difference" is the central issue—distinguishing between what we can change and what we cannot. It takes experience, reflection, and a deep understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Ultimately, it requires discernment, perhaps the most challenging aspect of navigating change.
"The Un-Serenity Prayer"
In the image accompanying this article, I present a revised version of "The Serenity Prayer," titled "The Un-Serenity Prayer," to draw a distinct contrast.
"Dear God, please grant me the inability to accept the things I cannot change,
the reluctance to change the things I can and the apathy to remain indifferent."
- Inability to Accept the Inevitable
When we resist reality, we refuse to acknowledge the truths we find uncomfortable or inconvenient. In this resistance, we find ourselves locked in a perpetual struggle against the unchangeable, leading to frustration and inner turmoil. - Reluctance to Change
When we resist change, we cling to familiarity even when it no longer serves our best interests. This reluctance can hold us back from growth and new opportunities, trapping us in stagnation. - Apathy and Indifference
Apathy and indifference lead to resignation and defeat. We give up and accept things as they are, assuming there is little we can do. There is no desire for growth or improvement as we drift aimlessly without direction or purpose.
Contrast of the Two Approaches
Those who confront adversity directly, accepting what they cannot change and bravely transforming what they can, demonstrate resilience. This resilience becomes a catalyst for positive change as they adapt, overcome obstacles, and adopt a growth mindset.
Conversely, those who resist change may find themselves lagging behind in an ever-evolving world. Reluctance or refusal to embrace change can lead to significant consequences, ranging from missed opportunities to entrenched dysfunction.
Final Thoughts
While it should be obvious, this article is directed toward those who find change challenging, whether professionally or personally. It is not aimed at individuals or organizations already deeply engaged as active "agents of change" or "disrupters" who push the envelope in innovation and outside-the-box thinking.
However, for those who struggle with change, here's a question to ponder –
Which approach do you find yourself leaning towards more often?
Change is inevitable, but our response to it is a choice. We can see ourselves as victims of our circumstances or external forces or take charge by owning our reactions.
At times, resistance or rejection is warranted, especially when such changes clash with our core values or principles - our non-negotiables.
However, the power to choose is always within us. We can navigate forward by identifying stepping stones – small, manageable steps that guide us onward. Conversely, we can allow ourselves to be held back by stumbling blocks – fears, uncertainties, resistance, or external pressures.
The challenge is to strike a balance between accepting what we cannot change and acting on what is within our control. By doing so, we can recognize change as a natural part of life's journey, finding resilience, growth, purpose and fulfillment along the way.
And If you need help along the way, please consider coaching. It offers a client-centered, solutions-focused process to guide individuals through personal growth and change.
"Change is inevitable in life. You can either resist it and potentially get run over by it,
or you can choose to cooperate with it, adapt to it and learn how to benefit from it."
– Jack Canfield, Founder and former CEO of Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises
and Co-Author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series