An Authentic Person – Knowing, Showing and Staying True to Who You Are

How would you define an authentic person?

How closely would you say your life aligns with your definition?

Would those who know you well agree? Admittedly, these can be challenging questions to consider. And based on my experience, people rarely think or talk about authenticity.

When I noticed that I often use the term "authentic" in my writing and coaching, I formulated and asked myself these questions to ensure "I practice what I preach" in my own life.

As I began to write my definition, I thought of the old saying, "There are two sides to a coin."

So, I asked myself, "Are there two sides to authenticity?" "Can authenticity manifest in both positive and negative ways?"

My first thoughts were of people I know who are steadfast, consistent, and unwavering in their transparent demeanor, upright character, and beneficial impact.

But not far behind, and on the opposite end of the scale, it became readily apparent that the descriptors steadfast, consistent and unwavering can also apply to people I have known who are opaque in demeanor, lacking in character and disruptive in impact.

I also thought of those who are inauthentic, lack genuineness and are inconsistent or "fickle." Or those who compartmentalize their lives as they morph into differing versions of themselves depending on which compartment they occupy.

Therefore, I want to emphasize that this article, the following definition, and my coaching approach aim to empower positive authenticity in people's lives.

"Authentic people know who they are, show who they are and stay true to who they are regardless of where they are or who you are."

Knowing Who You Are

One of the questions I might ask a coachee, although possibly in a slightly less direct manner, is, "Who are you?"

I find that some, and I suspect many others, would respond to this question as if I asked them where they live, what they own, or maybe what type of work they do, along with their title or position. They might cite their accomplishments, awards or degrees, licenses, or certifications, which explain the letters next to their name.

Why?

Generally speaking, this is the answer most people expect or look for, or maybe what's required in a bio or resume. But it is also how many people view themselves.

And that's the problem.

In my coaching, as my questions dig deeper into who a person really is, I often find that power, position, possessions and accomplishments form the core of their identity.

My question is, "Who are you without these things?"

This question might immediately stump some, but they seriously consider it.

Others may dismiss it as a stupid question (deflect), or they know what I'm getting at but don't want to "go there" (deny or reject).

I hope you read on if you are either, particularly the latter.

Knowing who you are involves –

• Identifying the beliefs, core values and principles that guide your thoughts, words, actions, behaviors and decision-making.
• Fully understanding your giftedness, including strengths, weaknesses, desires, and motivations.
• Being self-aware and honest with yourself regarding your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and recognizing how they shape your interactions with the world around you.
• Acknowledging your past experiences and how they have influenced your present self.

The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates, known for his commitment to living an "examined" life, made a short but profound statement that is foundational for being authentic –

"Know thyself."

That said, how we see ourselves on the inside affects and directs what we "show" people on the outside.

Showing Who You Are

This is where it gets really interesting.

Knowing who you are is one thing, but "showing who you are" is an entirely different ballgame, especially in today's world.

We're often preoccupied with how others perceive us in face-to-face interactions and online presence, adding layers to the complexity. Factors like polarization, identity politics, and the prevalence of a "victim" mentality only exacerbate the issue.

It's no wonder many choose not to disclose their authentic selves fully!

They don't want to seem intolerant or biased, and certainly not judgmental because they fear losing or alienating friends, co-workers and even family members.

However, there is a trade-off - when truthfulness is undervalued, genuine understanding of one another becomes elusive, hindering meaningful dialogue between opposing perspectives.

But for genuinely authentic people, not living as or showing their true selves - what they believe, value, and the principles they are guided by - is a non-negotiable. It's an issue of integrity.

"Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen." - Brene' Brown, research professor, public speaker and author of "The Power of Vulnerability"

Staying True to Who You Are

Here's the really tough part.

Would you, or those you know, say you are the same person no matter where you are or who you interact with, regardless of the situation you find yourself in?

Staying true to who you are means -

• Maintaining authenticity and integrity in all aspects of your life, regardless of external influences or pressures.
• Staying grounded in your values, beliefs, and principles and making decisions that align with your true self.
• Remaining true to your goals, aspirations, and commitments.
• Being honest with yourself and others about your thoughts, feelings, and intentions.
• Being self-aware while embracing your giftedness, including your strengths and weaknesses.
• Continually growing while staying rooted in your true identity.

While it requires understanding, tactfulness, and empathy when dealing with others, staying true to yourself is the best way to live, regardless of what the naysayers think.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Final Thoughts

The amazing thing about authentic people is that they are so rare, yet their positive impact is so common, profound and lasting. I admire and respect these people, even if I sometimes disagree with them. By the way, I love blunt people because I don't have to guess what they are thinking. While none of us are perfect, striving for authenticity helps us be our best.

So, here is a challenge if you feel you're being less than authentic.

Try getting rid of the mask or façade behind which you feel safe or protected or use to hide, deceive or mislead.

If that seems impossible or it's "not your style," please consider the following Bible verses in which Jesus warns His disciples about the hypocrisy of religious leaders called Pharisees. These verses are true for religious and non-religious people alike – just read them without the word "religious" in verse 2.

"(2) You can't keep your true self hidden forever; before long you'll be exposed. You can't hide behind a [religious] mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known. (3) You can't whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public; the day's coming when those whispers will be repeated all over town." - Luke 12: 2-3 (The Message)